Hibernation & Self-Sabotage

For any of you who have read my blog posts before you'll be familiar with the mix of scenery photos, descriptions of my walk experiences and also some personal stuff around mental health. Oddly though, seeing as this blog and website started out as a way for me to promote my weaving, you've probably realised (and possibly have been curious about) why I rarely mention weaving... at this point readers please refer back to the title of this post. There you go. It might seem odd to sabotage yourself over something you say you love to do, something you say you 'need' to do so much that it is almost an innate urge - to create, to make. You may even be thinking, "Well she obviously doesn't love it that much or she'd be doing more of it and promoting her work", or maybe that's just one of the many worries in my head over what other people think and expect of me. So much pressure!! And I'm creating it all myself! All the imaginings of expectation are not based on reality, they're caused by me berating myself, believing that I can't make as well as anyone else and if I can't make everything absolutely to perfection well then what's the point? Also, I get a bit stuck at times with the conflict I see in making a product, conjuring up all the magic and story and setting to convince people they just have to buy this item, the whole consumerist side of it, with the fact that the world has so much stuff, there is so much waste and unnecessary purchasing of 'things' that we really do not need. So, how do I balance my want to make and express myself through weaving fabric with the knowing that it's not helping the world in a greater sense? I am careful with sourcing my materials, to the point that it restricts me in some ways financially, but is that enough?

Aah well, below are some photos to balance out all that seriousness! I moved into a short-term-let house in December and over the winter really haven't done much with walking, photography, making or writing. I've been quite introverted (more than usual!) which is what the quieter, darker time of the year is best for, it's been my own hibernation I suppose. But now that Spring is most definitely here and I've found an amazing new (long-term) place to live which I move to in about six weeks, I'm starting to come alive again too, just like the daffodils I can see out my window as I write this.

Winter Sunrise over the Loch of Voe - on my way to work

Winter Sunrise over the Loch of Voe - on my way to work

A lot of these were taken on my phone, which is on the verge of death so excuse the quality. Also, by clicking on any of the smaller photos you'll see my Instagram feed which I've been using more over the last few months.

Catterline, Stonehaven

Catterline, Stonehaven

Catterline, Stonehaven

Catterline, Stonehaven

Catterline, Stonehaven

Catterline, Stonehaven

A little trip south in February meant drives down the east coast, stopping at the clifftop village of Catterline where Joan Eardley lived and painted. Then further south I stayed in the East Neuk of Fife for a few days and got out for some very blustery walks around St Andrews, Crail, Cellardyke and Anstruther.

I'll leave it at that for now but you will be hearing more from me again very soon! thanks for reading :D