This is one of the very rare times that island life has me feeling stuck. Only this time the feeling is not letting up... Now I'm facing up to the reasons why, and realising they would probably be the same no matter where I lived, island or not.
Spending your life in one place - different areas within a place perhaps but still the same place nonetheless - means being surrounded by the same people, being reminded of the same memories over and over again. It can be difficult to shake off a version of yourself than no longer fits. There will be many people who do not experience this but I'm not one of them, and that's ok - finally I know that's ok.
It's like when you grow up and move out of the family home, then when you return, for family gatherings or just for a cup of tea while you wait for the next ferry, the dynamics revert to being just as they were when you were young.
I have four siblings. Even the ones closest in age to me have a different perspective on how we grew up. Each of our experiences is completely valid and true for us, it just so happens that mine, for various reasons, is not so good. For a long time I've felt guilt for that, and felt weak for not being able to let go and move past everything that does not appear to have debilitated my siblings nearly as much, or at all.
I know change needs to come from within but it also needs to eventually translate into action. Hence, the 'stuckness' in the title of this post.
In such a small place as Shetland everything is familiar, everyone is familiar even if you do not know them personally. It can be a great thing, offering security, but can also create a sense of claustrophobia at times. It can provide a sense of community and a challenge to personal growth (as much as I don't like that term it make sense for what I'm trying to say).
So, this is where I'm at right now. Does creating real change require a major shift from familiarity?
I'd love to hear what you think, or if anyone even understands what I'm talking about! In the meantime I'll be putting in the effort in my everyday to create the changes I need without the more drastic step of leaving the islands.
I recommend you check out two people who have particularly inspired me lately, while helping me question and accept myself while I'm figuring it all out: